im about as happy as oj after his trial
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He? As in you personified your dick?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
