I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
