I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
