So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize