Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
