you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
