Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
