Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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