Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
