lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
