Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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