oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
