Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
