When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
