she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
