just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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