you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize