Ketchup is God's man juice
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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