There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Randomize
