I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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