it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
