i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize