I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Life is so much better after having sex.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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