he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize