can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
