If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
