I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
