worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
