I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
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