mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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