I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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