that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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