Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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