spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
