i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
