Will you blow on my dice?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
