I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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