and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
