yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
