Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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