She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize