Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
