He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
