who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
