you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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