you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
