Define "chronic" masturbator.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
