Your face is a jimmy john
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
