part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
