sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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