There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
