Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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