it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
