ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
