i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
