Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
