i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
