I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
