Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
