Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
