I haven't been this sober since birth.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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