sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
