YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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