He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
