hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
