Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
