i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
