can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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