I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
