I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
i've created a new STD.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
