he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
