I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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