I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
not ubering you a puppy
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize