When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
