come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
