In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize